Thursday, May 24, 2012

@czardoz


If this blog were a Twitter feed:

Why does “permission to speak frankly” always mean permission to tell you what an incompetent fool you are? #permissiondenied

And why would such permission ever be granted?!? #justdontgetit

Thank you TV execs for canceling Ringer and Pan Am. Once again, you prove that you don’t know your asses from your faces. #subtledifferences

If I were going to start an Asian boy band, I’d name it Boyster Sauce. #notracistjustracial

Logged into MySpace for the first time in years, noticed they now offer the option of logging in with your Facebook account. #Tomcanceledhisaccount

Man, got hot today. Makes me mad when it gets hot all of a sudden. #makesmemad

Gay guy estimated that I was “18% gay.” Should I be insulted that it’s so high, or insulted that it’s so low? #justbecauseIlikeGuyPearce

Just saw a bumper sticker that read “Obummer.” As they say, the simplest is most profound. #obamanations

New Bond movie coming. Gotta admit the only scene I remember from the first D-Craig film was the ball-breaker torture chair. #testytestes

Guy named Weiner forced to resign because he sexted pics of his wiener? Should’ve received a Pulitzer for living the pun. #livebythesword

Had a dream last night that all these tweets were really just Facebook status updates. #mindblown

Like, dude, is this my ass or is this my face? I don’t even know!!! #the1percent

Sunday, May 20, 2012

You had me at "festooned"


“F” is the funniest letter that you’ll ever do. Don’t believe me? Then why are the funniest words all “F” words? For example:

  • festooned
  • funicular
  • floozy
  • flummox
  • farrago
  • flabbergasted


Need more evidence of the funnies? All right, why do so many “F” words refer to fools and their foolishness? Here are just a few:

  • folderol
  • flapdoodle
  • fiddle-faddle
  • frippery
  • foofaraw
  • flimflam
  • fop
  • flibbertigibbet


From the medical community comes “flatulence.”

The culinary community gives us “frankfurter” and “falafel.”

The silliest perversion to be worthy of headlining an episode of Law and Order: SVU? No, it isn’t fire fetishism (though that’s close). It’s “frotteurism,” also known by the more poetic name of “frottage.”

And I know it’s not primarily English, but you have to admit that “fatwa” is a pretty funny word.

Still not convinced? Then answer me this: who is the funniest, fattest fellow in Shakespeare? Falstaff. That’s three “F”s! 

I rest my face.